Friday, January 17, 2003

Knock Knock...

My flatmate and I are splitting to different houses at the end of this month. A conversation between us while watching TV...

Me Will you remember my friendship an hour from now?
Him (raising eyebrows) of course I will
Me Will you remember me at the end of the day?
Him Hmmm yeah...
Me Will you remember me at the end of the week?
Him snickering I think so
Me Will you remember me at the end of the month?
Him I suppose so
Me Will you remember me at the end of.. say... three months?
Him I will try really hard to
Me Will you remember me at the end of say ... one year?
Him Hmmm... okay.. yeah I will

a few moments of silence

Me Knock knock...
Him Whoz there...
Me Asshole!! You said you will remember me after one year and you are already asking "whoz there" when I am sitting right in front of you

Thursday, January 16, 2003

What makes me happy

Sometimes I think life is nothing but a pursuit of happiness. Yes we all want to eat good food, dress well and be admired etc etc, but what really makes us happy is different for all of us at different stages of life. Last night I was thinking of what really makes me happy. Or rather what events in my life have really made me happy.

I guess if I go back all the way to kindergarten, I would say the happiest moments in that stage of my life were when I was allowed to play with my building blocks. I also remember that black was my favourite colour in my crayon box. I would end up colouring everything with the same colour and as a result I would end up finishing it off. In the end I would get my kicks if my brother exchanged his black crayon with one of my other crayons.

As a kid I was petrified of going to the loo during the night. No matter how late it was at night I would wake up my sister to come stand at the back door so that I could go to the toilet. And for the rest of the night my sister would be the bravest person in the whole wide world for me. And when she consented to get out of bed and walk me to the loo - well that made me really happy.

As I grew up I noticed that best things in life were making friends. And on the first day of school for the year, I would run into the class (after the morning assembly) and try and get the class bench of my choice. We would "save" the rest of the bench to our chaddi buddies and they would do vice versa. When the whole bench was full of "my" buddies, then that made me really happy.

I was a studious kid right from the start. But remembering things was never one of my strongest points. Despite doing my homework I would forget it at home or misplace it somewhere. I would have to depend on one of my bench buddies to let me copy his homework during the recess. And if I could finish my homework before the final bell rang, well that made me really happy.

When I joined Kodaikanal during my high school years the naughtiness in me had started to bloom. I would do lots of things and my friends would stand by me through thick and thin. Being hungry for movies I would sneak out of the hostel along with other buddies and return late at night. And the watchman, who had become our buddy, would actually walk us to the theatre to see that we got there safely. And regardless of whether the movie was good or bad, it was the escapade that made me happy.

During college years bunking classes, drinking tea from road side stall, going for movies 'first day first show', cheering my buddies when they competed against other colleges, shouting "principal down down" during strikes for petty issues. All those made me happy.

Fast forward to present. What makes me happy today? I guess there are lots of things. Doing my work and seeing that the stocks that I had recommended to my clients zooming up the charts. Playing soccer with little kids at the end of the day. Playing computer games late into the night and finishing off the level that had been pestering me for weeks together. And I have realised one thing - its always the little things in life that makes us most happy.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

A few jokes

How to make life simpler
1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

2. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/ diarrhea can enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

3. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

4. No time for bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

5. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which a contrasting polish should be selected).

6. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.


An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that there pile." So the foreman went away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese a fella that he awasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ahcouldnay fin' him either." The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "SUPPLIES"!!

Oh people - you reap what you sow!!

What a furore these English people make on the subject of playing in Zimbabwe during the world cup. But I fail to grasp why the common wealth countries like ours and Australia should support and make such a big issue out of this.

Ok ok.. so we are trying to uphold our ideals and point out to the world that our sportsmen will not play in a country that is so brutally ruled by a dictator (albeit we would bury our heads in sand when it comes to trading with the same person). Why is it that most of the cricketing nations are listening to hypocrites like England? After all less than a century ago it was terrorising dozens of colonies where there was an utter lack of freedom of press, there was no rule of law, and the average citizen was faced with imprisonment, torture, rape, beatings, and systematic starvation for supporting the Opposition. Lest we forget it was the British who taught the world how to go about all those brutal things. And now it is this same hypocrite British trying to show us morals. There is a saying that - no one needs to learn what chivalry is about from a rapist.

I wouldn't know how good or bad President Mugabe is but the oft heard complaint from Englishmen is that he grabbed the land that belonged to the white people so that he could re-distribute it to his fellow black people. Of course there was no rule of law that legitimately allowed this - but hey, neither was there any law in existence when the colonists looted and plundered Zimbabwe for several decades. Where was the white man's voice of 'human rights' during those years? Personally I don't see anything wrong with what Mugabe is doing - and as our EC says, the days of white man ruling over others are long over. Despite the starvation in the short term (during the transfer of land), I am sure Zimbabwe will be far better off in the long run by letting its countrymen till their lands.

If there is one proper way to snub British sense of aristocracy and supremacy then it would be wise for rest of the countries to play matches with full attendance on Zimbabwe's fields. Its funny how none of the (white) players in Zimbabwe team have opposed Britains' stand

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Harris, Ayesha, Panna and I :-)

I know this is a bit late, but hey better late than never ;-) I have been wanting to write this but finally the nudge from Anya (and a complete blank of new ideas on what to write today), is forcing me to write up on my meeting with fellow bloggers. And before I proceed, let me warn that the Panna I speak of is my cousin and the not this Panna whom I found on zonkboard :-)

I was supposed to meet the bloggers on the day I landed in Bangalore but somehow I squiggled out of it and headed straight to my town so that I could be in time for breakfast. And so my chance to meet my fellow bloggers came when I was heading back to London. For that purpose I came to Bangalore a full half day earlier (and with a heavy heart of missing out the half day of fun at home) and landed in Bangalore at 2pm. I called up Ayesha who was monstrously busy as usual and told her that I was in town and that we should meet up. I told her to tell Harris and pass on the message to others. I must say she has poor skills in passing on messages ;-)

Well anyways I had to do some shopping for friends in Brigade road and so I told Ayesha that I will see her there around half past five. She said she will get Harris along. Panna and I headed off on his bike towards Kaveri emporium which deals with all sorts of handicrafts and sandalwood items. I have seen this street since I was a kid but to be honest I don't think it has ever changed much at all. Yeah some shops do some face upliftments but overall it’s the same ‘ol street.

Harris apparently had seen me on the street with my cousin but he wasn't sure if I was Maltesh. So he followed me into the shop and while I was shopping he tapped me on the back and asked "Are you Maltesh?". I looked at him and I knew this must be Harris (Ayesha had described him to me) and I wanted to point to my cousin and say - that was Maltesh. Somehow the good in me over took the prank playing side and Harris was spared :-p We introduced ourselves and sought his permission to continue my shopping. He said he would wait outside for me whilst he smoked his cancer stick.

I quickly finished my shopping and we called Ayesha. She said she was stuck in traffic - which is her most common excuse. She will never say that she is late. Blame it on the traffic is her motto ;-) The first time I invited her for lunch, she was actually so late that I went and finished my lunch and had built up enough appetite to have a second lunch with her. Anyways Panna, Harris and I headed off to this place called..umm.. ummm.. I don't recall the name but I think its called Cafe Day or maybe Coffee day, well who cares lets call it Cafe Coffee day.

Like gentlemen we wanted to wait till Ayesha popped in but after a while our hunger took the better part of our chivalry and we ordered our coffee. While Panna and I had cold version, Harris had the hot version of caffiene. A few minutes later Ayesha popped in and from then on it was yada yada yada :-)

We hung around there for about half an hour. We all had our own work to attend to and so it was time to bid farewell. But hey, how can a meeting with me pass off without any pranks? ;-) As we got ready to leave I noticed Ayesha's car keys lying on the table. I picked up the bunch and pulled out just the car key from the bunch and passed it on to Panna. Ayesha didn't see it missing. Out on the streets we bid farewell and as Ayshu headed for her toy car, the three of us followed her from a distance. Our smoking Harris Joe was the first to be spotted and she realised that something was amiss. Oh well! I had to give back the key. I wanted to see her reaction when she reaches her car and tries to open the door. :-p But I guess I was not to have my share of prank for the day. Well there is always a next time :-)

Monday, January 13, 2003

More pseudos

Ok ok, I know I rant a lot but this was something that I had to talk about. Now I have heard of people who are concerned about ethical treatment of animals but this article took the cake. In fact they took the cake and ate it too - if you know what I mean.

In brief the article is about PETA trying to raise the general awareness among public the inhumane (or rather in-animale, if there is such a word) treatment of the chickens raised for consumption by KFC. They plan to attach stickers to car bumpers in major cities around the world in order to achieve their objectives.

Bravo! Now what more can we expect from these animal lovers? They want animals to be raised in wonderful conditions so that they can be killed later on for human consumption. Correct me if I am wrong but I thought that the animal lovers should outright condemn all those people who eat animals - rather than just see to it that animals are in 5-star hotels before they are sent to their gallows. Hypocrisy at its’ best. I wonder how many of these animal activists within PETA are non-vegetarians? How many of them don't chop a turkey during the Thanksgiving dinner? How many of them slap their children whenever they beg for a hamburger? I'll bet my bottom that if I were to begin counting I would hardly get across my fingers.

The likes of these so-called 'friends of earth' such as Greenpeace, the PETA, the Arundhati Roy's yada yada... really do get on my nerves. The disclaimer is that I do know that sometimes they really do wonderful job but in their enthusiasm to impress they often stretch the chords far too much - so much so that it snaps!

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