Wednesday, January 15, 2003

A few jokes

How to make life simpler
1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

2. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/ diarrhea can enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

3. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

4. No time for bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

5. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which a contrasting polish should be selected).

6. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.


An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that there pile." So the foreman went away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese a fella that he awasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ahcouldnay fin' him either." The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "SUPPLIES"!!


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

Clicky Web Analytics