Let me tell you about myself. I'm just about 9 inches long, with soft bushy stuff on one end and a small hole on the other. I can be quite useful if you know how to use me. I was still wet from last nights activity but if you are being used by a busy lady, that often happens to be the case. I had heard she didn't like to stick to one of us and switched to different ones quite often. It was still early in the morning when she softly picked me up. I long for this every morning. Kinda wakes me up too when she does this. She rubbed her fingers along my bush as she looked at me staright in the face. She applied some sweet cream on me (like always - maybe she just likes it that way) and slowly took me in her mouth. With a firm grip she moved me up and down, and once in a while rolling her tongue on top of my head as she shifted me from side to side. This went for a while. A bit later her mouth was full of white stuff, some of which went down her throat while the rest she spat out. She had a nice satisfied smile on her face now as she washed the white residue that was left in my bush and the more liquid part that had rolled along my length. After cleaning me, she gently placed me back to my normal position.

How lucky I am to get this twice a day. It pays to be a tooth brush :-)

Wait a minute... pervert...what were you thinking??

"Its just around the corner... that is where the doctors house is...you're not too far.." I rushed with my 3 year old son in my arms in the direction the good samaritan pointed at. I had left early morning along with my wife to the city so that my son could get the medical attention that he badly needed. Last night he vomitted nearly a dozen times and every time he did, it was my wife who cried. Her eyes were crimson and a dark spot was appearing beneath them. My stomach churned. My son had no energy left to cry but would just cuddle up tightly and shiver. We had walked for over two hours from our village because the only bus that comes in the middle of the night had cancelled its service. No one gave us a reason.

The doctor came. A fair young chap who worked for the British Raj. With sheer exhaustion I looked at him and then at my son who was lying on the wooden bench. The doctor did the same but he continued into his room in the clinic. I followed him but before I could speak, he said "do you have money?". I showed him eight annas that I clutched in my hand.He nodded his head "That is not enough. Your son is very ill and will need medication". I choked as I tried to speak and express my inability to pay any more. Before I could, he waved his hand and said "Ok ok, get your boy in here". My wife who was overhearing our conversation got my son inside and made him sit on the clinic table. After a while the doctor said "Your son has severe pneumonia. Don't know why people always wait till the last moment. Let me tell you, don't keep too many hopes..."

That was 54 years back. The memories that come back during old age are far more crisp. It was my birthday today but no one had wished me. I could hear my grandchildren fighting with my son. I groped my hand along the desk next to my chair and with its support I got up. A glimmer of light went through my retina because that was all that my eyes could take in now. I probed my way around the desk and with tiny steps I headed towards the sun that was filtering through the window; old blood cools much faster. As I stood there I heard the door open. The loud foot steps meant that it was my son.

"What are you doing standing over there? Can't you sit in one place?" He held my arm and headed me back to the chair. "Look I can't keep looking after you like this. Either you stay put in one place or go stay in the old age home. I'm tired of bathing you, washing you and what not." God had been kind to me and had given me a blurred vision in this old age. I only had to hear and not see. I shook my head in dissent. "And you haven't even finished the porridge...*sigh*...frustrating!!" he continued. "Papa this is so tiring...even the kids are fed up and you keep insisting that you want to stay with me".

He headed towards the door with heavy steps. And before shutting the door he turned around. "Its just around the corner...the old age home...I'll come and visit you whenever I have time...".

I woke up this morning and found myself all cuddled up in front of a gate. One of the benifits of blogging is that you can take a different avatar every morning. I looked around and it was just dawning. I don't know whose house I was lying in front of but hey I don't care. Its not like I'm paying rent or anything.

I wanted to dose back only to hear someone saying 'get off my way mutt'. I looked up and saw a man holding milk can. He had parked his cycle next to me and was shooing me. I didn't budge. He didn't give up. He shoved me with his feet and almost rolled me over. Man, thats rude. I mean, its bad as it is to be a stray dog and not being able to read comics and all, but this guy was shoving me around. He opened the gate and went to deliver the milk. A minute later he was humming and heading back to gate. I was still mad at him. I wanted to curse him and I did but all he could hear was a growl. He just stood there looking at me. He took one more step and one more curse (read growl) from me. Hey this was fun :-) Suddenly he shouted 'oye, kutte.. itna maroonga tujhe..' and that pissed me off. I mean, I know Im bad in hindi but hey...

I just jumped up and before I knew it he had started running down the road. I chased him a bit but he was faster than me. Now I know why dogs love chasing. Its really fun :-) Can't wait for the postman to come by. I couldn't catch the milkman coz I still needed to get used to my four legs. Four legs?! Hmm.. I looked at them. They all looked same. I cuddled down again. Hardly had I shut my eyes I heard some commotion. I saw the milkman but with him were few more people. He had come to get his cycle back. They all came close. I kinda felt scared but when I speak all they hear is growls. 'Arey yeh pagal kutta hai, maro isey..' and when I heard that, man, I didn't need to get used to my four legs. Nor improvise on my hindi. I ran. I ran like anything.

Long I ran before I stopped. I was panting. I could see my tongue. Cool :-) There was something between my legs. I looked down - it was my tail. Tail ??l! neat :-) I looked lovingly at my tail. I wagged it. My whole bum shook. Suddenly I remembered the saying - dogs chasing their tails. I decided to try it. I tried catching my tail but I kept missing. And before I knew it I was going in circles.I wanted to sit but I got confused whether I should tuck my tail in or leave it out. Quite confusing really. Humans with beards also have this problem - they get confused whether to sleep with beard over or under the blanket. I gave up. I just decided to lie on my side. Wondered... what if humans had tails? I mean would it be an erotic piece of flesh or something natural like leg or hand that you can openly display? Imagine the tail being private zone.. hehe. Guys will say mine is longer than yours. Girls will show off the clevage of the tails and bum. And KPS Gill will get a reprimand for pinching tails. Pathetic humans.

I was hungry. I decided to hang around a restaurant. They are bound to throw things away. I was wrong. It was almost evening and nothing came by my way. Humans are so lucky. They can speak and ask what they want. But many people take their gift of speech for granted. It was late and the shop was being shut. I was really hungry and sort of cried. I howled in pain only to be shoo-ed away by people chucking stones at me. I went and lied down inside a cement pipe by the side of the road. Don't know whether it was sleep or hunger that shut my eyes. I hoped when I woke up I would be a different avatar.

Okey... checking out if viewers can post to my bloggy

Last night, I was a light house :)

Being a light house is not easy. You got to keep turning your neck round and round so that stupid humans don't come and crash into you. I mean how idiotic is that? Who asked them to go and play in the water middle of the night anway. If you ask me they should just stay put at home and read comics. But then again, everyone doesn't share my views. So last night, there I was beaming my lamp all around and suddenly I could see some reflection on the horizon. I knew it was those stupid guys showing off that they can sail in the night. I ignored for a while. Then I saw those ships coming at me. Decided to yell at them and say "watch your way buddy, you're gonna crash into me". So out I sent my coded message. These nuts have put a gadget in me to do that... sort of like my personal mobile phone. Nothing fancy but just fine.

I told them: "Please change your course 10 degrees north to avoid collision".
They replied: "Negative. You change your course 10 degrees south"
I said: "Sorry, you change your course 10 degree north"
They sort of yelled: "YOU change your course 10 degree south"
I sighed: "Im sorry you will have to change course"
They waited a minute and I could tell they were angry: "This is the USS Lincoln, second largest armoured ship on the Atlantic. We have nuclear missiles, torpedoes, rockets and a variety of artillery. The ship is accompanied by four other support vehicles. You change your course 10 degree south or we will take all preventive measures to avoid collision".
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I calmly replied: "Im a light house... f**k off!"

Of course I think the last two words made them change their course.
Moral: always use strong words with people who act tough.

You know what, tomorrow onwards I have decided to be someone else or something else. Im not gonna be me! Im gonna look at this world from other point of view.

Indian markets go up.. but FTSE heads down. Sheez! will I ever see some proper correlation in the world wide markets?!

Well its the first working day of Autumn. Weather looks nice - but appearance never equals reality. Out there its freezing.

Yesterday went to Kensington gardens. Walked around the lake and saw hunderds of swans. It was very hot and wish I could jump in the water. Saw all these retired people playing a race with their remote controlled boats. Hmm.. the child in us never leaves. Kept wishing I had a remote controlled plane that could drop tiny bombs. I would fly and bomb all these boats :- ) The evil in me never leaves ;-)

Why is it that sometimes despite a looming deadline that I want to cuddle up in bed with lots of comics, chocolates, wafers...